Grumpy Old Men--The Prequel

What's in a name?

2012-01-19T13:45:00.004-06:00

New school can’t be Cougars because middle-aged women might be offended

Students at a new Utah high school are facing disappointment after their choice for a new school mascot was rejected for one of the strangest reasons possible: Board members deemed it might be seen as offensive to middle-aged women.

*facepalm*

The Injustice System

2012-01-17T15:27:00.003-06:00

The city of Costa Mesa will pay a six-figure settlement to a man who claimed a police officer planted drugs on him, resulting in an arrest and a guilty plea in court.I
California has a "Three Strikes" law where a minor drug charge can effectively send somebody to prison for life.
Though I believe that most cops are honest, I do know through personal experience that some of them have a tendency to not be.
In this case, we have a clear situation where the cop was crooked.

Months after pleading guilty, the former Costa Mesa resident said he learned the substance was not cocaine after all. Timothy Slappy succeeded in having the conviction sealed and removed from his criminal record and, in March 2011, filed a lawsuit against the city, asking for $1 million.

And it seems that those who run the departments, such as District Attorneys are corrupt as well.

In the federal suit, lawyers representing Slappy claimed the officer planted the substance during the search, and that laboratory results that would have exonerated Slappy were kept hidden from him while he made his plea deal.

So, we have a D.A. who knew his evidence was fraudulent and still bullied an innocent man into a guilty plea.

Eventually, justice would prevail in this case. Who knows how many others might be living with convictions when we know how this case occurred.

It was in spring of 2010 that Slappy was called to Harbor Court in Newport Beach, where he said he was subpoenaed for a hearing regarding Harris and several complaints that had been filed against him.
According to the suit, it was there that Slappy was told by Costa Mesa detectives that the evidence found on him was not rock cocaine.

Now, here is my bitch:
Why was it necessary for the aggrieved to petition the courts that his conviction be expunged? Shouldn't that have been automatic? You'd think so, anyway.
The public needs to be notified as to the fate of Officer Harris, whatever punishment or discipline was administered... and to the D.A. and prosecutor as well.

No less than three people in a position of public trust need to face criminal charges in this matter, and at least two of them should be looking at serious jail time.

King David's Cruise Line

2012-01-16T20:13:00.000-06:00

Pray for the victims and their families, but do take note that survivors are claiming that the crew of the Costa Concordia appears to have taken their emergency training every bit as seriously as did the crew of the Titanic. Lessee.....captain takes the ship a few hundred feet from an island to show off to one of his crew....while ignoring required safety training....all while the passengers are being shepherded into the ~~swine feeding operation~~ cafeterias for their ~~finishing on feed for the benefit of the witch from Hansel and Gretel~~ dinner. What could possibly go wrong?

Black Cat

2012-01-09T17:36:00.005-06:00

F1100 Turbo LXR

Bring Out Your Dead (Pool) - 2012 Kickoff! (UPDATE: Brad adds his list)

2011-12-30T11:12:00.002-06:00

It’s time to pick your Dead Pool for 2012!

Fortune favors the bold, and the guy who goes first, so I’m going to grab some low-hanging fruit with mine. My picks for 2012 are:

Hugo Chavez
Jerry Sandusky
Jon Corzine
Sid Caesar
Ndamukong Suh

To review this year’s results, Brad and I tied. I had one — Murray Warmath. I missed on the following:

Yogi Berra
Ernest Borgnine
June Foray
Doris Day

Brad was right with Harmon Killebrew and missed with:

Aretha Franklin
Michael Douglas
Mischa Barton
Arlen Specter

If you’d like to reuse my 2011 list for your 2012 entrants, feel free — they let me down, the weasels. I’ll let Brad tell you if he retains ownership of any of his 2011 choices.

And if you’re looking for low-hanging fruit, be sure to pick Etta James. If you want to play, add a comment or post your own.

Brad's picks
Seth Binzer
Sid Hartman
Bobby "The Brain" Heenan
Orlando Thomas
Jean-Claude Van Damme

K-Rod's Picks
Jack Klugman
Nancy Reagan
Jerry Lewis
Penny Marshall
Zsa Zsa Gabor

Tailgatin' with KD

2011-12-04T13:35:00.001-06:00

Looks like he was hard at work this morning:

Story from a sermon in Iowa

2011-11-02T20:40:00.000-05:00

The pastor, a slender man who loves his study and eating meat, gave this story:

I love mustard, and it was time for a picnic. My wife had made me a wonderful sandwich--thick slices of ham with a generous dollop of mustard and a leaf of romaine lettuce on a whole wheat bread--and I was just about to eat it when my wife asked me to hold our son while she went to the bathroom.

While holding our son in one hand and the sandwich in the other, I noticed that there was mustard on my arm. However, with the sandwich in one hand and my son in the other, I couldn't do anything about it--until I realized I could lick the mustard off my arm. What genius!

I licked the mustard off my arm.

It was not mustard.

And at the same time, my dear sweet wife came out of the loo, noticed what I had done and my attempt to wash it off with as much water as the fountain could deliver, and was laughing so hard I was afraid she would pass out.

(any resemblance to Ben is purely intentional, of course, but the real story is that I sent this joke to a former pastor, who--to my horror--read it before Wednesday night prayer meeting)

Week 5 NFC North QB ratings

2011-10-11T11:50:00.001-05:00

1) A-Rodge

2) thru 4) Does it really matter?

Playing Right Guard For The Chicago Bears

2011-10-11T00:22:00.002-05:00

May God have mercy on Jay.

Week 4 NFC North QB Ratings

2011-10-04T12:21:00.000-05:00

Apologies to Brad, but I doubt he'd see it much differently.

1) A-Rodge
2) Matt Stafford
3) J-Cut
4) Donovan "Hurdy Gurdy Man" McNabb

Week 3 NFC North QB ratings

2011-09-26T13:31:00.001-05:00

1) A-Rodge
2) Matt Stafford
3a) Donny McNabb
3b) J-Cut

Mute donkey question of the day

2011-09-26T13:09:00.002-05:00

Representative of our phone company to my wife:

Do you have a number where I can reach you?

Week 2 NFC North QB rankings

2011-09-19T06:06:00.001-05:00

1a) A-Rodge
1b) Matt Stafford
3) Donny McNabb
4) J-Cut

Quivers

2011-08-23T20:56:00.005-05:00

Asked about the geology on the east coast that caused an earthquake felt from South Carolina to New York, the Obama administration said it was "Bush's fault".

Brad adds: Rep. Jeff Flake (R-AZ) had this perspective via Twitter:

Earthquakes hit Washington, next week hurricanes, after that frogs and locusts, then the worst plague - Congress returns.

Up Hill Both Ways

2011-08-18T09:37:00.002-05:00

The ultimate endorsement

2011-08-15T19:02:00.004-05:00

With Texas governor Rick Perry announcing he would be seeking the GOP nomination for President, it appears there's a new energy surrounding the party.

But as with any candidate, Perry will be dogged by insane rumors which seemingly get conjured up out of thin air. For example, in 2000, candidate George W. Bush was rumored to have been drinking alcohol again. In 2008, a certain subset of Barack Obama detractors questioned whether or not he was even born in the United States, which is a requirement to be President. With Perry, there are some crazy innuendos on how he's living a secret life as a gay man despite being married to a woman.

But to David Burge, proprietor of the Iowahawk blog, that matters not. In fact, back in June when there was heavy speculation Perry would jump into the Presidential race despite declining initially, Burge gave his unconditional endorsement.

Is Rick Perry gay? I don't care. In fact, if he cuts Fed spending by a real 10%, I'll do him personally.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

--------------------------------------------

The most intelligent thing I've ever heard come out of Barney Frank

2011-08-10T22:16:00.003-05:00

Well, MSNBC's new slogan is "Lean Forward."

August in Texas

2011-08-04T21:38:00.003-05:00

"Damn the Sun! How long will it torment us?"
-Guglielmo Marconi, radio man.

While not strictly a comment on the Texas summer, it has a keen resemblance to the emotions of those of us living here.

This is my back porch. North side under the roof, in the shade all the livelong day. It tells no lies.

It's hot even for Texas, we're setting records for electricity usages. Increased population accounts for some, part is due to the paradox of thrift... the more efficient our consumption becomes, the more energy we will harness.

Medical technology R&D

2011-07-24T15:53:00.003-05:00

New material could offer hope to those with no voice

The team led by Langer and Zeitels has now developed a polymer gel that they hope to start testing in a small clinical trial next year. The gel, which mimics key traits of human vocal cords, could help millions of people with voice disorders—not just singers such as Andrews and Steven Tyler, another patient of Zeitels'.

About 6% of the U.S. population has some kind of voice disorder, and the majority of those cases involve scarring of the vocal cords, says Sandeep Karajanagi, a former MIT researcher who developed the gel while working as a postdoc in the Langer lab. Many of those are children whose cords are scarred from intubation during surgery, while others are victims of laryngeal cancer.

Other people who could benefit are those with voices strained from overuse, such as teachers. “This would be so valuable to society, because every time a person loses their voice, say, a teacher or a politician, all of their contributions get lost to society, because they can’t communicate their ideas,” Zeitels says.

Don't give up hope. Medical technology has come a long way and the best is yet to come. I've moved on from developing cardiac devices and am now on the forefront of implantables and devices for microsurgery and implantable biologics.

I know I'd have been confused!

2011-07-21T14:30:00.002-05:00

According to Fox News, Campus Crusade for Christ is going to be changing their name to "Cru", evidently forgetting that there is already a group by that name. In their defense, both the college ministry and the heavy metal hair band do shout at the devil all around the world already, so it sort of makes sense, but....

.....yeah, I'm guessing some people might be confused and disappointed to arrive on campus to get an invitation to "Cru" and find it was a Bible study.

A prayer request from corn country

2011-07-12T08:52:00.000-05:00

A sweet young couple, one of whom attends my church, is considering marriage, but sad to say, they're religiously divided. He's a Deere man, and she likes Internationals. At least it's not a Ford/Chevy divide, or else I fear they'd have to break up.

Hilarity from the NCAA

2011-07-01T14:04:00.001-05:00

College sports fans all over the nation are well aware of the NCAA's ~~crusade jihad~~ effort to remove "native american" names from the membership of the NCAA, under the idea that somehow using the name of a tribe is inherently degrading to native americans.

Now, leaving aside for a moment that the NCAA will accept the "Seminoles," but not the virtually identically portrayed "Illini" or "Fighting Sioux", and leaving aside for a moment that using a name for your sports team is generally intended as a measure of respect to convey the idea of being manly and a worthy opponent, and leaving aside for a moment the question of whether other ethnic names like "Fighting Irish" or "Spartans" or "Banana Slugs" are obnoxious, consider where the NCAA is meeting North Dakota elected officials to discuss the fate of the Fighting Sioux moniker.

Indianapolis, a city of course named after Native Americans, and, AHEM, the headquarters of the NCAA. You'll need a sharp knife to cut through that hypocrisy.

In Other News

2011-06-29T18:21:00.001-05:00

Coming in a fortnight late, is this announcement.
That hand on the bottom is mine, the one on top is the beautiful woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.
Your prayers are appreciated.

Name the baby contest

2011-06-27T10:52:00.001-05:00

As a lot of us know, Mrs. W.B. Picklesworth is expecting (congratulations!), and in honor of our brother, who takes God's command "husbands, love your wives" seriously, I think it's time for another "Name the Baby" contest.

Given Ben's occupation, I'm going to suggest "John Paul," "Trent," and "Ignatius." He might think "Martin" or "Philip" better, though. And of course, there's always "Salathiel."

Genius at work at Fox News

2011-06-15T08:19:00.000-05:00

Check this out. Apparently, Fox News has at least one journalist and at least one editor who believe that the skin of an airplane is steel. Maybe if it's an old Soviet design, but in the western world, aluminum has been used for the fuselage since the 1930s.

It's all perspective

2011-06-14T19:11:00.004-05:00

While perusing Facebook, I happened to come across a post from a gal who graduated high school with me. Apparently she's all up in arms because of some of the inane status updates posted by others. Now I happen to know that she is naturally an abrasive, obnoxious personality. The reason I know is not only did we go to high school together but we dated for a few months after reconnecting at our 10-year high school reunion (granted, it seemed like A LOT longer than 3 months) . Yes, she was just like I remembered in high school: subtle as a chainsaw.

Anyhow, here is exactly what she wrote:

Does anyone else find it simply stupid reading posts from ppl that say they are at the McDonalds drive thru or the grocery store or at home? Come on, like I really care. post something interesting like you are at a concert or something. Sorry if I offend anyone but I am already crabby...

For the record, I would like to point out that this lament comes from the same person who posted closeup pictures of herself getting her navel pierced. Yes, the fat rolls and stretch marks (she's had a few kids in the past ten years) were there for all her Facebook friends to see.

To be fair, I didn't find it stupid as much as I did....well.....utterly freaking repulsive.

The Week in Electronic Correspondence

2011-06-11T09:05:00.000-05:00

What we've learned:

Sarah Palin's e-mails reveal she was hard at work.

Anthony Weiner's various tweets and texts reveal he was hard, at work.

Bees. Save the Bees.

2011-06-07T14:58:00.002-05:00

4/28:
http://dallas.craigslist.org/mdf/zip/2352054056.html
"WE WANT TO SAVE THEM -

We need help to Remove BEES - come over and get them out house
Bees are under siding - 8 Ft tall from ground - and probably 3 ft away from wall -

Will help with any assistance - as long as you take them all

location near by I20 and GREAT Shout West
REPLY with phone number - so we can discuss details - THANK YOU - "

-----------------
6/4:
http://dallas.craigslist.org/ftw/zip/2420891849.html
"bee hive in siding/roof of carriage house in Fairmount. I thought someone came and got the hive, the last time I posted this, but it was the neighbors trying to kill them
call 817-247-0919 "

Further Updates may follow

The Closer

2011-06-04T17:21:00.003-05:00

Congrats to Brad!!!!

Great show!!! You had me laughing at the start... "...members of congress..."

Nice current events in the middle...

And some excellent insider-sports-rube-ness at the end...

Bravo!!

That's funny.....

2011-06-02T16:01:00.000-05:00

....I tried the new USDA food recommendations, and no matter hard I try, I'm gaining weight. It wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that my favorite plate is two feet in diameter, and my favorite cup is a liter beer mug, would it?

Seriously, I think it's time to stop the "Mickey Mouse" efforts to teach innumerate Americans how to eat right with new gimmicks, and admit that the past 50 years of government proselytization regarding diet have achieved nothing but failure. If they didn't understand the "four food groups" I learned as a kid, or the food pyramid that was introduced in the 1990s, they're not going to suddenly figure it out with Mrs. Obama's plate, either.

Our own "Weinergate"

2011-06-01T11:01:00.003-05:00

The webernets is all abuzz with "Weinergate," the scandal du jour, in which a photo of what may or may not be the li'l "chief of staff" of Congressman Anthony Weiner (D-NY) was tweeted to a young lady who is not Mrs. Weiner.

What's made the story more intriguing is that Weiner's explanation keeps changing, from "My account was hacked," to "Uh..., I mean it was a prank," to "No comment -- talk to my lawyer." Whatever the case, I certainly feel bad for the aforementioned Mrs. Weiner as well as for the young lady who, it seems, did not solicit the image of the pup tent in question.

I think we can all agree that it is not appropriate to subject young women to images of man-bits against their will. With that stipulated, my story for this post does not involve a young woman, but my nine year old daughter.

She is about to finish the 4th grade, and a few weeks ago, her class concluded a "Family Life" unit with the viewing of a video. Fortunately, her teacher did give parents a heads-up that it was forthcoming and offered the opportunity to preview the video. More fortunately, I took her up on the offer.

The video was, "The New improved Me: Understanding Body Changes." From the vendor,

Give young teens an information-packed explanation of male and female body changes to help them accept puberty as an exciting and important event in their lives. And a normal healthy part of growing up.

THE NEW, IMPROVED ME: UNDERSTANDING BODY CHANGES is a two-part program that is designed to explain the physical changes that boys and girls can expect to undergo during this period. The program's goal is to present puberty in a positive way, demystifying a process that can be puzzling and frightening to youngsters who are ill-informed or unprepared to face this transition. A theme that is central to both parts of the program is puberty as a natural and normal occurrence whose exact onset cannot be predicted. Every person has a different "body timer" that was set before he or she was born and can’t be slowed down or sped up.

Note: Does not cover masturbation. [Thank heavens for that! - Ed.]

The vendor indicates the grade level for this video as 5 - 9, so it would seem a bit advanced for a 4th grade class, but I checked it out with an open mind.

The video is split nicely into two parts: the first half about boys' body changes, and the second half about girls' body changes. After my preview, I sent a note back to the teacher to say I'd watched it, and it was ok for my daughter to participate. I knew the boys and girls would be separated when they watched, so I asked just to confirm that the boys would be watching only the boy half and the girls would be watching only the girls half of the movie... Right??....

Uh, no.

The plan was to have all students watch both halves of the video. It seems the Hopkins School District had decided that it was perfectly fine for my nine year old girl to be subjected to graphic images of male genitalia as well as descriptions of semen production, erections, and ejaculation.

Upon learning that, I pulled her out of that portion of the class (she did watch the girls' part - only), but I feel bad for the parents who simply trusted that their child's teacher wouldn't show them anything inappropriate.

I understand that kids can begin puberty as early as age 10, I see the value in having my daughter learn about the changes that will soon be happening to her, and I thought the presentation of that message in the video was fine.

I am also certain, however, that she is not a little boy (I even have the long-form birth certificate to prove it!), and I do not understand what the school hopes to accomplish by presenting her with images of the male anatomy at this age.

As luck would have it, there was a School Board meeting that very week, so I took the opportunity to pose this question directly to them. The meeting was recorded for the public, so if you want to hear what I had to say, use this link, select the May 19, 2011 meeting (warning - big file), and go to the 8:00 mark.

They still haven't answered the question directly, but I was contacted by the person who coordinates the curricula for the district and was invited to be a parent representative when they update the health curricula and materials during next school year. I absolutely will be participating, and I pray that I can have some influence regarding the age-propriety of future materials.

In the meantime, please consider this a reminder to parents of school-aged children to remain ever-vigilant about knowing what their kids are being taught.

A delightful mistake, or missing the point?

2011-05-26T08:21:00.000-05:00

While shopping at Wal-Mart last night, I noticed that about half of the "family planning" shelf in their pharmacy section was filled with Advil. Well, I guess that for some husbands, headache mitigation may have something to do with family planning, but not in the ordinary sense.

Mmmmmm.....good!

2011-05-19T14:57:00.000-05:00

Remember the old joke that if you get so poor, you have to eat dog food, at least buy the kind that makes its own gravy?

Well, apparently the Russian Army benefited from that wisdom lately.

That said, given that dog food ain't exactly cheap--even the cheap stuff is at least 50 cents a pound--I'm not quite sure that feeding the troops dog food actually saved money vs. buying, say, flour and making a substance called "bread." However, I dare suggest that if the generals wanted to destroy morale, they could hardly have chosen a more cost effective way of accomplishing it.

Harmon Killebrew: 1936-2011

2011-05-17T10:37:00.004-05:00

Well, I have absolutely ZERO joy in the fact that I had this selection in my 2011 Dead Pool. Unfortunately, when a 70-something man is diagnosed with cancer (much less esophageal cancer), it's pretty much a death sentence.

The greatest home run hitter in Twins history will be sorely missed.

Tomato, to-mah-to

2011-05-12T10:50:00.000-05:00

Ok, ok...

After being sufficiently prodded, I supposed it's time to come out of hiding and post something.

Fact is, I had a little something I had to take care of in Pakistan (maybe you heard about it -- it was in all the papers) last week. I can now disclose to you that I'm actually part of a little known division of the Navy Seals, called the "Manitees."

Ok, maybe not. Seriously, though, I've been amazed at the coverage of the killing of Osama bin Laden and the inability of so many journalists to get through a narration without calling Osama, "Obama," or calling Obama, "Osama."

Here's a sampling.

I get it -- the names are similar, but come on, people! Especially for a professional journalist, It should be easy to tell the difference between President ~~Osama~~ Obama -- (dammit!)...

Anyway, as a service for those who may hold some residual confusion, following is a primer to help discern between Obama and Osama.

Osama: Leader of Al Qaeda terrorist network

Obama: President of the United States of America

-----------------------

Osama: Stunned the US economy and disrupted the American way of life with the terror attack on September 11, 2001

Obama: Stunned the US economy and disrupted the American way of life with Marxist redistribution policies

-----------------------

Osama: Known for recording speeches in front of caves

Obama: Known for recording speeches in front of teleprompters

-----------------------

Osama: Has been largely ineffective as a leader as a result of the policies of President George W. Bush

Obama: Has been largely ineffective as a leader, except when continuing the policies of President George W. Bush

-----------------------

Osama: Hopes to get tail from 72 virgins after his death

Obama: Hopes we'll believe his tale with 72 versions after bin Laden's death

-----------------------

Osama: Confuses journalists with alternate spellings of his name, i. e. Osama / Usama

Obama: Confuses journalists with alternate spellings of his name, i. e. Obama / Urkel

There, see, it isn't so hard to tell them apart. You're welcome.

Obama stays the course!

2011-05-02T17:55:00.003-05:00

Bravo President Obama! Better that you, instead of Bush, invaded Pakistan to take out UBL, at least in the eyes of the lefty progressives. What would Wellstone! say?

"Hello? Is there any Stover out there?"

2011-04-27T12:32:00.000-05:00

As a result of Mr. D's 2,500th Post post, I got to reminiscing. So I looked back trying to find out when I had stumbled upon his blog. Along the way I got sidetracked in a comment section where there was a comment by Dan Stover. I haven't seen hide nor hair of Stover for a long time, though I think about him from time to time.

So I pulled up his old blog, "Northern Alliance Wannabe" and found this old tool for making Obama posters. It brought back good memories. So Dan, if by chance you read this, I hope that you are doing well!

Oh, and the whole poster making thing made me feel happy. What a pathetic excuse for a president Obama is. Trainwreck is too kind.

How a man lights birthday candles

2011-04-20T14:50:00.000-05:00

Did We Really Need One More Bubba?

2011-04-13T19:37:00.003-05:00

So, it looks like another member of GOM has managed to convince a fine lady to be still for a minute

Before we all start singing the 'Viva Viagra' song, I first want to congratulate Bike Bubba (who appears to still have some powder in the pan, even after 40) and the lovely lady he suckered into marriage on their pending arrival.

We all know what comes next: A naming pool.
How's about it?

Just leave your entries in the comment section.

Name that food contest....

2011-04-11T17:32:00.001-05:00

Doug Powers, writing for Michelle Malkin, links a wonderful picture of the school lunch.

And the guys who are putting this on the table--apparently the same guys who came up with the "Real Italian Pizza" I had as a "young skull full of mush"--have the unmitigated gall to suggest that the schools know better than parents what might be good and healthy to eat.

First submission: Chili Possum Friccassee.

And a video in honor of this:

Control

2011-04-10T22:03:00.002-05:00

A statistician’s wife gives birth to twins. Excitedly, he calls everyone to share the good news. When he tells the church they say, ‘That’s terrific! Bring them down to church this Sunday, and we’ll baptize them!’

’Uh, let’s just baptize one of them,’ says the statistician. ‘We can keep the other one as a control”.

And Another One Down...

2011-04-08T22:14:00.003-05:00

I have finally euthanized my Careful Thought and Hyperbole for 1000 blogs. For my two readers out there - sorry about that.

2011-04-08T21:42:00.000-05:00

RIP Young Dead Elms.
Guitarman, you best not be leaving us here at GOM, too.

What would Henry VIII say....

2011-04-05T08:56:00.002-05:00

.....to the fact that apparently these days, the British royal family needs to consult family lawyers to put matters into order for the upcoming wedding of the crown prince and his intended. Yes, things have come a long way since Anne Boleyn and Catherine Howard.....

Venting

2011-04-04T13:04:00.001-05:00

Polemical poetry for the Monday before the Wisconsin judge election. You know, the one the Donks are trying to use to overturn lawfully passed legislation for nakedly partisan reasons. It's a disgusting display.

Malice and spite

Never knowing the right;

That is the heart of a Democrat.

Putrid like meat

That's left out in the heat;

That is the heart of a Democrat.

Despising us all

While demanding our thrall;

That is the heart of a Democrat.

Murray Warmath, RIP

2011-03-17T11:53:00.001-05:00

The last successful Gophers football coach dies at 98. And the first dead pool call of 2011.

Great news!

2011-03-16T08:42:00.002-05:00

Scientists have found that being grumpy is the key to a long, happy life.

Wait a minute....let me think that one over a minute.....

ViQueens stadium thoughts

2011-03-15T13:59:00.000-05:00

One "reason" given by advocates of a new stadium for the ViQueens is that if we lose them, we'd be nothing more than a cold Omaha.

On the bright side, if the Twin Cities became a "Cold Omaha," wouldn't we have a lot of good steakhouses within a ten minute drive, and wouldn't we have the five time national champion Nebraska Cornhuskers just an hour away? Sign me up! We'd finally have a decent football team in the state--and it wouldn't depend on the Packers or Bears coming to town!

Papers Betwixt Covers

2011-03-12T20:53:00.001-06:00

Bike Bubba's Night Time Readings

So, question for you grumpy gents.

If you like books, what are two (and only two!) that you would recommend to read within the next year?

With the presumption that the Bible is excluded from the list, because its already frequently read.

Leave a comment, or make a post out of it with expanded reasoning.

Crush

2011-03-09T09:59:00.000-06:00

This isn't a finely nuanced argument. It is, instead, my reaction to Mr. D's post that Republicans might be getting weak-kneed in Wisconsin. My emotions lead me in on direction: eliminationist rhetoric (of the lousy poetical variety.)

Crush some garlic; crush a bug
Crush the tyrant; he's a thug.
Crush the grapes to make some wine
"Crush", a soda that's just fine.
Crush, the shallow love of youth.
Crush, a job assigned your tooth.
Crush a beetle, though it stinks;
Crush a cockroach if it winks;
Crush the bugs that eat the crop;
Crush a union; make it pop!

Cross posted at Where Poetry Goes to Die

What heavy metal guitarists do when not on tour

2011-03-07T15:27:00.001-06:00

http://www.angusyoung.com/index.htm

I wonder if Mr. Dilettante knows him........

(thanks for the correction.....probably should have just said "axeman" to begin with)

Captain Ed Explains It to You

2011-03-05T19:22:00.003-06:00

This was grumpy enough to belong here, too, although it originally appeared at my place.

Begin rant.

If you want to understand how daft the Left really is, consider this shrewd observation from Ed Morrissey:

The global economy still requires mass manufacturing, mining, construction, and other traditional labor-intensive tasks. However, globalization and the heavy cost of unions to business has pushed much of those activities out of the country, except for those industries tasked with deriving the natural resources from America. Organized labor will still play a part in those industries, but ironically, those are the industries most under fire from the politicians that get elected with union dollars: Democrats. Oil, coal, and gas extraction could create millions of new well-paying and union jobs, but the unions keep contributing to those politicians most likely to block the extraction and use of all three. That’s another reason why the unions are fast becoming an anachronism.

Emphasis mine. Think about it, since these boneheads won't: if the public-sector unions gave a damn about their brethren in private sector union, they wouldn't support the environmentalist Left candidates who spend their days gumming up the works. Instead, they are in an alliance with the Al Gores of the world, providing a variety of, ahem, inverse services that delay or deny permitting, exploration and implementation of energy extraction, to say nothing of siting and permitting of refineries and the like. Private sector unions standing in solidarity with their public sector brethren are being played for fools. Meanwhile the price of gas at the SuperAmerica down the street is $3.60 a gallon this afternoon. Remember when we heard people saying "drill, baby, drill?" Guess not.

And while all this is happening the young people of Madison are chanting "si se puede" in the Capitol building as they rally to the defense of clerks who favor their own sinecures over all else and cast their own appetites as intrinsic to the public good. And the young people, who will receive the bill for the continuing largesse our clerks demand, are doubling down on their behalf. Will these noble dunces chanting "si se puede" be paying a hell of a lot more money, and have a hell of a lot fewer choices over the conduct and range of options available for their adult lives, if they somehow manage to shout down Scott Walker? No cabe duda.

I believe the term Lenin used for such people was "useful idiots." I also believe the term is too charitable.

End rant. Further affiant sayeth not.

The Birds

2011-03-05T10:46:00.000-06:00

The collegial birds are determined.
By the side of the road they shall meet.
Shoulder side chit chats are better by far
Than any mid-field meet and greet.
What they're discussing I'm not certain
It might be the snow in the West.
But when I draw near, they fly off in fear.
It appears I'm a pest not a guest!

(cross posted at Where Poetry Goes to Die)

That's going to take a lot of Miller Lite and Cheddarwurst!

2011-02-25T14:12:00.000-06:00

Apparently, the SEIU is vowing to turn North Dakota into Wisconsin. OK, give it a try, boys, but that's going to take a lot of beer and cheese, and planting a few trees (and hills) might help, too.

Separated at Birth?

2011-02-21T10:19:00.001-06:00

The first is, of course, Colonel Gadhafi of Libya, and the second is Howard Stern. I think. :^)

A bit of levity....

2011-02-10T13:37:00.000-06:00

Apparently, to reach the highest levels in many corporations, one does not need to be very observant or intelligent. How do we know this?

Take a look. Apparently, nobody at Ferrari thought people at Ford might mind if they named their new Formula 1 car the "F150," and apparently, nobody at Ford considered that nobody would ever confuse a Ferrari with an F150.

And even though I'm currently driving a GMC, even I can figure out that Ford's pickup is the better car. Unless you allow me to sell the Ferrari and both pay off my mortgage and get a new Traverse or Suburban. Then I'd like the Ferrari better if you were to give it to me.

Until I sell it to some ~~sucker~~ lucky buyer.

KD Missed This One

2011-02-08T23:46:00.001-06:00

Here they come to snuff the rooster, aww yeah
...but he aint gonna die.

1000 Words

2011-02-07T05:37:00.003-06:00

Grand Wizard of the Football World

2011-02-05T20:17:00.001-06:00

27-24, Packers

Closest to the score and result gets the title, until the next Super Bowl, of 'Grand Wizard of the Football World' on GOM. Gents, start your picks

They couldn't print it if it wasn't true

2011-02-04T13:48:00.002-06:00

Congratulations, W-, I mean, Ben.

Cruise ship update; how did they do this?

2011-02-02T15:08:00.000-06:00

Apparently, a cruise ship has run aground off Antarctica--though thankfully for the passengers, the hull was not breached, or at least they're not admitting it. Given that Antarctica is largely surrounded by shelf ice, you've got to hand it to the captain; it takes some doing to run your cruise ship aground off Antarctica. Maybe he was told that KD was a passenger?

After emptying the ship's reserves of SPAM, Stroh's, and Hormel Chili with Beans, the passengers will continue their vacation in Malawi, I'm told.

Men, stay away from Malawi!

2011-02-01T10:22:00.000-06:00

Apparently, the government of Malawi is considering legislation that would make breaking wind a crime. Obviously, most of us had better stay away, as those of us who honor the loons at PETA with our diets will probably NOT be allowed to use "making lifesaving medical treatments" as a defense against charges of "disturbing the public tranquility" in that fair nation.

On a more serious note, it is entirely likely that if this law is enacted, it will make it even more difficult for this nation to feed itself; a quick look at the agricultural output of the nation indicates that one thing that could really help there is the increased cultivation of beans and legumes of various kinds. If they ban breaking wind, however, don't count on farmers to see increased demand for these products, to put it mildly.

Europe, As Per America

2011-01-31T15:41:00.000-06:00

An Ode the the loons at PETA

2011-01-27T11:52:00.004-06:00

.....I bought bunny fur "Mad Bomber" hats for the wife and daughters for Christmas this year. With due apologies to the fine people at Veggie Tales.....

The Bunny, the bunny, whoa I wear the bunny
I don't wear the gap or Walmart, just the bunny
The Bunny, the Bunny, YEAH I eat the bunny
I gave all my veggies away for the bunny

I don't want no pleather when it's time to dress
And nasty shedding faux fur, it just makes a mess
I don't want no bunnies to come out and play
I'll ride my spring horsie wear bunnies all day
I won't eat fake meat, and I won't eat tofu
That stuff is for sissies, but bunnies are cool!

Refrain:

I don't want no pickles, I don't want no honey, I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want a tissue when my nose is runny, I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want to tell you a joke that is funny, I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny
I don't want to play on a day that is sunny, I just want a plate and a fork and a bunny

Repeat refrain during final verse

The Bunny, the bunny, whoa I wear the bunny
I don't wear pleather or faux fur, just the bunny
The bunny, the bunny, yeah, I eat the bunny
In a hot skillet with oil......goes the bunneeeee!

A Grumpy Good-bye

2011-01-26T13:11:00.002-06:00

In case you haven't heard the news, the Rev. Picklesworth is moving his base of operations to Iowa, along with his wife and kid, in February.

To celebr--, I mean, in honor of this we've arranged a special farewell event for family and friends this Friday, Jan. 28 at Amore Coffee, 879 Smith Avenue in West St. Paul. This will run from 7 - 9 p.m. Feel free to drop by and say "hello" or "good-bye" or "you think you're so smart" or whatever.

Directions are here (be sure you go to the Amore in West St. Paul, not St. Paul).

You know you're hardcore....

2011-01-24T12:29:00.000-06:00

.....when you mention that you took the family skating, and native Minnesotans tell you you were nuts to be out there.

(it was really pretty warm.....about 8 degrees)

2011-01-23T01:48:00.001-06:00

If Ditka is praying, how can we go wrong?

Jay Cutler

2011-01-20T16:33:00.001-06:00

The dude over on the left
Is Jay Cutler.
Seriously.
Look it up.
He's scary looking.
He's constipated.
He's fake-baked.
He's wearing a man thong.
He's wrong for Chicago.
He's wrong for America.

Go Packers.
At least our quarterback
Looks like Will Farrell.

See Much Difference??

2011-01-20T12:40:00.000-06:00

Good News, Bears Fans!

2011-01-19T21:28:00.003-06:00

You have the support of the First Fan:

After the pool spray with President Hu Jintao in the Oval Office, a cameraman asked President Obama “If the Bears win, are you going to the Super Bowl?”

“Oh we're going,” responded the President, “no doubt.”

I'm not sure which endorsement is the bigger kiss of death: the one reported above, or this one:

Brett Favre insists he has "no bitterness" toward the Packers three years after leaving Green Bay on less than friendly terms. In fact, he told ESPN on Monday that he believes his former team will be the champions this year.

"I think they will win it all! I hope they do, if you are wondering," Favre said in an e-mail to ESPN reporter Ed Werder.

Considering that Ed Werder has pretty much set up a townhouse in Favre's intestinal tract, I'm sure he's hanging on every word. The rest of us? Maybe not so much....

You can save a life!

2011-01-19T17:00:00.000-06:00

Become a poop donor. No kidding; the next time you're really, really, really stinking up the bathroom, just tell your dear sweet wife and delightful chitlins

I'm doing this for science.

Because everyone knows now that the micro-flora-and-fauna that tell others "get away from my bathroom!" are in reality sweet ambrosia for the sick.

H/T ColdFusionGuy

Boom Goes the Dynamite

2011-01-15T23:42:00.000-06:00

48-21 Green Bay

Let's talk about something that matters - bad college uniforms

2011-01-13T11:05:00.006-06:00

Watching the BCS championship game the other night, I was admiring the way the Oregon's accent (maze?) glowed. This uniform combination has taken it to new a level. It's like a super hero's outfit or something. That said, all of their alternate uniform combinations are awful.

For you consideration I give you three really bad uniforms. I'd throw out Penn State as bad also but they didn't make my top 3.

3rd worse...Boise State. This is just wrong. This color should only be used on sails and hot air baloons.
2nd worse....West Virginia. Their all yellow uniforms make them look like some crazed kitchen designers.
And worse of all time...University of Minnesota's all maroon. This isn't even maroon, it's like a brown. Watching them lose consistantly for the last 50 years has also not helped their comeliness. Is that a word?

Honorary grumpy old lady?

2011-01-12T09:35:00.000-06:00

Betsy Hart writes about her curmudgeonly habit of correcting other people's grammar. I think it's time that we start a parallel society of grumpy old ladies. What think ye?

At least behave

2011-01-11T21:52:00.003-06:00

Because being careful is no guarantee.

It is possible to be out snowmobiling... going fast and racing around... a bunch of guys in their 40s and 50s... racing around on the trails... rubbin is racin... bump bump and oops off the sled... oh shit... two sleds just a second behind... Vvroom OUCH! vvroom OUCH!

No broken bones, but some serious ecchymosis...

Lucky, stupid lucky.

Prediction

2011-01-09T12:16:00.000-06:00

34-17 Green Bay

Things We Learn from Gino's Blog

2011-01-07T21:54:00.003-06:00

I had no idea that Hamm's beer is still being sold in California. Gino drinks it but apparently prefers to make a few modifications. It boggles my mind that they don't sell Hamm's in Minnesota any more.

Of course, we still want to remember the most honest ad campaign for beer ever.

Tears are flowing in East Lansing and Columbus.....

2011-01-06T13:47:00.000-06:00

....Rich Rodriguez, our favorite Michigan coach of all time, has been fired. How good of a Michigan coach was he? Well, until the middle of this season, Michigan State had won more Big Ten games in the Big House than RichRod's Wolverines. We sure will miss him, and we're holding out hope that Gerry Faust can be lured out of retirement to work his Notre Dame magic on the Corn & Navy, starting a new tradition in Ann Arbor.

Yeah, it took her a few shots to down that moose....

2011-01-04T14:10:00.000-06:00

....but I think Sarah Palin might be able to bag Kathy Griffin if Griffin follows through on her stated plan to abuse yet another Palin, methinks. I'm so glad to see that liberals are so eager to hold to the principle of "politicians' children are off limits" that they used when Chelsea Clinton was living in the White House, too. Just ask Barbara and Jenna Bush.

NFC North QB rankings - Week 17

2011-01-02T18:54:00.000-06:00

1) A-Rodge
2) Shill
3) JWebb
4) J-Cut

2011 Dead Pool

2011-01-01T11:09:00.003-06:00

First off, let us recap the GOM submissions for 2010:

Brad's 2010 Dead Pool

Gloria Steinem

Lauren Bacall

~~Robert Byrd~~

Kirk Douglas

Eli Wallach

K-Rod's 2010 Dead Pool

Dolores (Mrs. Bob) Hope

~~Art Linkletter~~

~~John Wooden~~

Jake Lamotta

Ariel Sharon

Of the 10 overall submissions, we got three hits. That's pretty good if you're playing baseball but somewhat below average in predicting imminent death for those who are ancient or gravely ill.

With that, here are my 2011 picks:

Brad's 2011 Dead Pool

Aretha Franklin

Harmon Killebrew

Arlen Specter

Michael Douglas

Mischa Barton

If any other GOM members choose to participate, feel free to leave you selections in this post.

Grumpy

2010-12-30T18:37:00.000-06:00

link

NFC North QB rankings - Week 16

2010-12-28T22:58:00.003-06:00

1) A-Rodge
2) J-Cut
3) JWebb
4) Shill

By the way, the Bears clinch a first round bye thanks to the Vikings upsetting the Eagles. As such, the Bears have nothing to play for this Sunday versus the Packers, who need to win to clinch a playoff berth.

Gino? You're welcome!

Mr. D, WB, and Palm Boy? Ditto!

Now this is interesting.....

2010-12-21T09:44:00.001-06:00

Contrary to the guiding principle here, it apparently seems that older men are not grumpy, but actually are simply at a stage in life where they are less willing to tolerate known evils, and are willing to let the world know their displeasure.

Now, of course, as a contributor to the "Grumpy Old Men" blog, I find this utterly humiliating--well, no, not really. Rather, it explains to me that I'm hardly alone in being more reluctant to go along with the majority when the majority is "full of pre-digested food" or confused about the difference between shoe polish and....

....and hey, it feels good, and dare I say it (contrary to all sound science, of course), a bit ....grumpy.

NFC North QB rankings - Week 15

2010-12-20T22:40:00.001-06:00

1) J-Cut
2) Matt Flynn
3) Drew Stanton
4) Any two-bit stiff the Vikings used at QB

Grumpy old question

2010-12-20T11:00:00.000-06:00

If indeed (big important issue here!) Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are going to be married in a Hindu ceremony, do we then assume her career will go down in flames in the case of his demise? I'm guessing that no, this would rather be another example of Hollyweird adhering to a few tenets of a religion at the expense of others, even if the union will last long enough for Ms. Jolie to become a widow.

And for reference, best wishes for a long, happy union to them.

Here Here

2010-12-19T17:30:00.000-06:00

"of course i need somebody to talk to. thats why i blog."
-Our grieving Gino

I love a story with a happy ending!

2010-12-18T10:03:00.000-06:00

Houston jewelry store owner shoots and kills three men who attempted to rob his store. At Christmastime, isn't it good to hear about a fellow grumpy old man making our world a better place? Pray that his stomach wound heals quickly!

NFC North QB rankings - Week 14

2010-12-13T21:27:00.001-06:00

They all sucked horribly.

King David Speaks of the Olden Times

2010-12-11T08:45:00.001-06:00

Via Facebook:

"All the talk of this blizzard coming through made me think of the time I was at my buddies' place over in Uptown, and we got caught in a blizzard with no beer in the fridge. Did the whiteout conditions stop us from driving up Lake Street to the nearest beer store? Heck no, we were young and extremely stupid. Thank God those days are 30 years behind me. Plenty of caffeine free diet cokes in the fridge."

Cheers!

Or try some of this delectable and exceedingly delicious beverage next time.

Problem solved!

2010-12-10T11:48:00.002-06:00

Well, at least it could be. Apparently, large numbers of British college students are rioting because the government had the unmitigated gall to suggest that they ought to be paying for a larger part of their college education, having tripled fees.

Call me entirely sympathetic; let's make sure the rioters never, ever pay any fees for university again. (expel them, of course)

Cruise ship update!

2010-12-08T10:05:00.000-06:00

Since KingDavid obviously isn't doing his job here, take a look. What's the worst thing that could happen on a cruise ship? Evidently, it's not being stranded off Baja California and being put on a diet of SPAM while the ship is being towed back to San Diego. Rather, it's being stranded around the icebergs of Antarctica due to a wave knocking out the main engine and surviving on a diet of frozen SPAM--and with no ventilation system running to get rid of the smell. Thankfully, it's not like icebergs have ever taken out an ocean liner, of course. No word on whether killer whales will eat people after they've been eating SPAM. I'm guessing "no."

Count me unimpressed that some naval architect not only had a single engine running all systems for an ocean liner, but also didn't protect the air intake/exhaust adequately to prevent ice cold water (but it's not like there's any of that in Antarctica, of course) from taking that engine out.

Global warming update

2010-12-06T17:35:00.000-06:00

Michelle Malkin's site reports that at the UN climate conference being held in Cancun, one of the participants evidently made a prayer to a Mayan goddess. It's not clear yet whether they'll be honoring "her" as well with some human sacrifices.

NFC North QB rankings - Week 13

2010-12-05T15:43:00.000-06:00

1) A-Rodge
2) J-Cut
3) Drew Stanton
4) T-Jack

Sign here please.

2010-11-30T18:37:00.004-06:00

Do election laws require one and only one signature for each vote?

2010-11-29T15:31:00.000-06:00

Gee, I wonder what Bubba's morning was like?

NFC North QB rankings - Week 12

2010-11-28T18:30:00.000-06:00

1) J-Cut
2) A-Rodge
3) Brett Fahv-Ruh
4) Shill

That's odd

2010-11-28T16:25:00.000-06:00

I've been drinking all afternoon, and for some funny reason, no one wants to join me for a drink.

Hey, someone's got to do the work Foot isn't doing!

Another TSA success story!

2010-11-24T11:44:00.000-06:00

Evidently, the TSA set to work confiscating nail clippers from a group of returning soldiers, all of whom were carrying fully automatic weapons. H/T Michelle Malkin. If this doesn't convince us that our nation is truly stuck on stupid, I don't know what will.

Except for the phrase "Senator Al Franken."

Cereal

2010-11-23T23:28:00.000-06:00

The Oatmeal.

Do Enjoy.